there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you mean i was at the winter classic?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
