Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
