"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
