It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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