i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
