i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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