There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
