I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
