hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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