He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
