Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
