I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You dont lie about slip and slides
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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