Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
