I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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