He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
