he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
