Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
