i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My vagina is very pro this idea
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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