Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
