..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
