I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
