between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
