Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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