Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
