Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
