i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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