So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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