one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
