Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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