im about as happy as oj after his trial
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
