Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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