so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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