I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize