in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
