i think my tv is drunk
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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