I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
