dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
