Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
