1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
