I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
