We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
