trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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