you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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