I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
