I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
tell me about the eggs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
