I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
