Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
