oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
