how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
