No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
