You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
