so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize