I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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