im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
