Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
