so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
