theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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