for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
