Your dad touched me again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
