I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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