stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
