We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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