I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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