Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
