Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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