hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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